Somehow, the first step just happens and, seemingly, in a moment taking action is the right thing to do. It was only in retrospect that I was able to identify all that went before that first step, allowing the path to open.
I felt every emotion possible that day. Fear, anger, shame, resignation, relief and hope all flooded through my body at once. As I look back on this moment I can see that exhilaration filled me and spurred me on even as my amygdala was sending me into flight mode. A kaleidoscope of color came bursting out!
And then, I had to wait and be patient, allowing all that needed to be done to find space on my calendar. In that moment, I wanted to dive in immediately but there were arrangements to be made, flights to be booked, schedules to be changed and explanations to be made. A dangerous moment, actually, because I could easily have said “NO” to everything and fallen back into what I knew – complacency, mediocrity, depression and self-loathing. Not a great place to be but at least I knew it and was used to feeling that way. But, I’d said “YES” out loud – the world and others heard it and I just couldn’t turn back.
I’m grateful for that because I’m not exactly sure where my resolve and courage came from. My religious friends and those of us who believe in a Higher Power tell me that this was a moment of Grace. It’s a mystery to me but I resonate with this. I haven’t wasted any energy trying to figure it out – it just happened this way for me.
This moment of Grace allowed me the time to find my guides and mentors – the people who instinctively knew me, had travelled the path, knew the twists and turns, the pitfalls and joys and had the willingness to show me the way. My journey has led to who I am now, a woman with 13+ years of sobriety and one who is emotionally centered and filled with life experience. I’ve earned a Master’s Degree in Psychology, trained as a Certified Coach Practitioner and Labyrinth Facilitator and I’m continuing my training to earn a certification as a Mindfulness Meditation Practitioner and Instructor – all with the goal to be a mentor and guide – maybe your mentor and guide.
Choosing to take action is a big step and one that deserves guidance because feeling worthy enough to invest in yourself may feel foreign. Send me a message or give me a call. We can talk and see where you are, what you need and whether working together might make your transition easier.
Let the color flow!