Awakenings Are Messy!

What should an awakening look like? Is it neat and tidy and everything you expect or is it messy? I’m betting on messy and not at all what you would imagine. In the end, it is how it should be – an awakening.

I was looking online for pithy and appropriate quotes about awakenings and found an article by Tamara Lechner which is exactly what I wanted to write. I’ve decided to write my blog anyway, including my point of view along with her wonderful insights. She writes, “According to Deepak Chopra, awakening happens when you are no longer living in a dream world where you filter everything through your ego and focusing on the future and the past. Instead, you have an almost simultaneous awareness of your individual self and the connection between that and everything else.

And, yes, this is the end result of a lot of time and possibly many years of angst, dissatisfaction and pain. In my experience, Awakenings are complicated, confusing and messy. They represent moments of letting go. Only then is there the ability to deeply understand your truth.

My first awakening was about the toxic relationship I had with alcohol. I knew I was drinking too much but I believed that drinking was my only source of relief from the stressors and anxieties of my life. At that time, quitting just wasn’t an option – but then, one day it was. That day arrived after years of daily alcohol consumption with no relief to the stressors, anxieties and depression that I had been experiencing. I finally had reached the end of what I could endure and was ready to stop. I didn’t know what that meant for my future and in that moment, I didn’t care. I experienced a deep sense of relief and a burst of self-worth. I understood that alcohol was keeping me stuck rather than helping me.

My next awakening came in the form of a realization – I needed to divorce. I hadn’t wanted this nor had I imagined that divorce would be one of the results of my sobriety but one awakening tends to lead to another. My sobriety, fueling my newly found sense of self-worth, led me to an awareness of many of the underlying flaws in my nature and my thinking – the flaws of porous boundaries, shame, perfectionism and codependency. I found immense joy in the possibility of changing a familial cycle by diving into the work of uncovering, discovering and transforming and was stunned when I realized that my husband did not share in this joy. My awakening to this painful reality left me with the clear understanding that in order to live a fulfilling life, I needed to begin that journey alone. I had learned that the only person I could change was myself.

Many other awakenings have followed and all of them have led to amazing and transformative growth along with the opportunity to be of service to others. As I read Tamara Lechner’s post, I completely related to her list of the 10 signs of spiritual enlightenment and awakening. I found myself experiencing all of these things – some more easily than others – as I shifted my mindset from one of despair to one of love and hope. Here they are:

  1. Observing your patterns.
  2. Feeling a sense of connection.
  3. Letting go of attachment.
  4. Finding inner peace.
  5. Increasing your intuition.
  6. Having synchronicity.
  7. Increasing your compassion.
  8. Removing your fear of death.
  9. Increasing authenticity.
  10. Flourishing.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms of awakening, pay attention. The best is yet to come.


“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”
Cynthia Occelli

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