Where Have I Been?

“Q: When is the perfect time?

A: Who can say, but probably somewhere between haste and delay – and it’s usually most wise to start today.”
― Rasheed Ogunlaru

I posted my last blog in May, 2022, and I’ve told myself that my excuses for not writing were good: I’ve been working; I’m busy; I’ve found my calling, so I don’t need to write, I don’t need to maintain a website or a blog; it doesn’t matter. But, I’ve missed it. I’ve missed being creative and connecting with others this way.

This lack, this missing has been bothering me for a while now so I began to think about the “why” beneath it and I have some clarity now. I created a website and began blogging because I was told and believed that this was what a Life Coach should do. I had to present myself and create content and provide workshops and so on. In the process, I discovered that I like the writing, the creation of graphics, the introspection and the sharing and I tried very hard to become a self-promoter but I just haven’t been able to get to the place where I can say “I like the pressure of self-promotion”.

It’s become clear that I had an expectation that set me up for disappointment. I imagined how my purposeful career as a Life Coach would unfold and how it would look and when it didn’t happen exactly as planned, I felt as if I had failed somehow and those old self-defeating thoughts began creeping back in. I thought, “no one wants to work with me”, “I’m not cut out for this”, “I don’t have anything to offer”.

Fortunately, since I posted that last blog, I’ve been busy working as a Group Facilitator for a local treatment facility, loving it and they love me – hence, one of my excuses for not writing! One day, I realized that even though I had no individual clients, I had actually found what I was looking for. I had found the intersection of working with women in early recovery – women who were struggling with the change process. I was using all of my hard-worked-for knowledge and skills, going home feeling fulfilled and happy and being paid for it. I didn’t feel stressed or pressured to produce unique content and I was working with a team where there was mutual respect and appreciation. I felt like I mattered and was making a difference. I realized that this was exactly how I described my dream job and I had arrived – just by a slightly different route.

I had to look underneath the perception of failure and disappointment and I had to challenge my thinking – things I tell the women I work with to do regularly. And wouldn’t you know it – once I dropped these perceptions, some individual clients have arrived.

I’ve decided to write again and not because I need to but because I want to. No self-promotion required – just self-fulfillment.

Thanks for listening and I’ll write again soon!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

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